I've had two dreams in the last few months that have really got me wondering. When the first dream came I had recently written the blog post titled "So hard to say good-bye." I fellt like I had finally come to terms with the idea of being done at 7 kids.
And then I dreamed Scott and I were talking to someone about the joys of pregnancy, homebirth and babies. I remember saying enthusiastically "That's why we had EIGHT children!" I immediately woke up and thought "WHAAAAT! Where did that come from?" Was this inspiration or my heart not wanting to give up on the idea of doing it one more time? That day I concluded it was just my own thinking, and that the dream had no real significance, but as time has gone by I've wondered if the Spirit was trying to say "Wait a minute--don't be so sure you're done." However I didn't allow myself to seriously consider that possibility until I had the second dream.
In the second dream I dreamed that Talita had a twin sister but that we were so enamored with Talita we forgot all about her sister. When I remembered I felt horrible and ran to this other baby girl. But when I found her, she had no name, and even her face seemed to be a blank. I woke up right then and Scott told me that he had been lying there trying to come up with a spiritual thought for his stake presidency meeting. For some reson he started thinking about how much I have grown to love the experience of pregnancy and birth. However he feels overwhelmed at times with the work involved with taking care of the kids we have already. I sometimes do too but know that it's temporary.
Since it took place at exactly the same time, I wondered if my second dream was influenced by Scott's musings (if that's even possible?) Or was the dream just a manifestation of my own desires and fears? OR is there another little girl for us that we just didn't realize because we have been so focused on getting Talita here? Scott and my logical brain shout "NO, NO, NO!" But my mommyheart says a great big warm and fuzzy "YES!"